From my experience working with hundreds of patients and from my own failures and ineptitude at making lasting change, I’ve learned that changing can be the most difficult obstacle in the way to achieving the life you want and deserve, so I wanted to address this before I got into other strategies in the Back to Basics series.
Every year beginning in January, I notice an influx of new members at my local gym, and I contemplate discontinuing my membership so I don’t have to wait in line for the squat rack.
However, the crowds inevitably die down after a few weeks, and I can get back to my normal routine of moving freely from exercise to exercise without having to linger like a vulture at my next station.
What happened to all the new members?
Every year people make New Year’s resolutions. It’s a time to put the previous year behind them and time to turn a new leaf.
Time to get into shape. Time to eat better. Time to learn how to play that guitar sitting in the corner of your room.
There’s so much hope and promise, yet often the wave of motivation recedes back into the ocean of reality, and you are back at square one more frustrated and angry with yourself than before. You feel like a failure.
Here are some strategies for making sure you can make lasting change that propels you towards achieving your goals.
1) Have a clear “why”
Being able to have a clear reason for doing what you are doing will help you stay motivated.
An example of a clear why is something like, “I’m going to lose weight so that I can play basketball with my son.”
Write this reason down and remind yourself of your why regularly. Put it in your calendar as a reminder. Write it on a piece of paper and stick it on your bathroom mirror.
2) Go easy on yourself
You may fail trying, but it does not mean that you are a failure.
Failing is something that you do, but it is not who you are. Look at each thing you attempt as an experiment. Sometimes experiments pan out and sometimes they don’t, but you learn something from the experience that will help you in the future.
Thomas Edison tried upwards of 10,000 different variations before he found the right one to create the light bulb!
Expect that you will fail. Learn from these failures.
3) Break it down into manageable pieces
Big changes are overwhelming. Small changes are much easier.
For example, if you are trying to eat healthier, start by making one change at breakfast.
If you are trying to start exercising, walk around the block once after dinner.
You will find it less overwhelming, and it will be easier to get some easy wins to build confidence in yourself.
4) Define a clear, measurable action
Once you’ve broken it down, make it clear what you need to accomplish. Define the duration of time, number needed to complete, and/or clear start time needed to reach completion.
When I was learning how to play new chords on the guitar, I had a series of 5 chord changes I would practice each day that I did for 30 seconds each and repeated the series 3 times. Once that was done, I could put my guitar down if I wanted to, but. I often wound up practicing much more once I built some momentum.
Other examples might be:
- Walk around the block once at 8AM before work Monday through Friday for the next 2 weeks
- Read [title of book] for 15 minutes during lunch every day for the next month
- Meditate for 5 minutes right after waking up and 5 minutes before bed every night for the next month
Make these steps easy by design. Set yourself up for success!
5) Create accountability for yourself
It’s amazing what happens when you tell someone that you will do something. More often than not, you will actually do it!
Find someone you can trust and will hold you accountable and let them know that you will report to them regularly.
Jerry Seinfeld famously had a calendar where he would mark each day with an ‘X’ when he successfully wrote new material. His goal was to not break the streak.
The key to making progress towards a goal is taking action, but taking action is the hard part. Growth and progress are easier to achieve systematically, one step at a time.
You learn to write letters before learning how to spell words. You learn to write phrases before writing sentences. You learn to write paragraphs before writing an essay.
Focus on the actions that will move you towards your goal, learn from and expect failures, and adjust course as you go. These activities will become a habit and just another part of your daily life just like eating and breathing. Years from now, you will look back and realize how much you’ve accomplished even without noticing that the transformation was actually happening.
